I’m a herbivore man. That doesn’t mean I stay away from animal meat, but from women’s. And no, I’m not shy, ugly, or gay. I simply detest the idea of becoming the shopping accessory of a girlfriend or the automated salaryman of a wife. What’s the point? I don’t need a woman in my life, especially when I have porn actresses at my fingertips.

My life as a herbivore man is supherb. I wake up in the afternoon and go to my part-time job at…